Starbucks Napkin Snatcher!
Something happened to me just now. Something I am not comfortable with and I think you all should know about.
Currently, Starbucks is filled with the humanoid representation of hormonal imbalance I remember as high school. They are working on papers, art projects, or catching up on reading. The one that’s reading - she’s the culprit - and she’s right next to me.
She’s got a carbonated orange beverage in her hands and decides it’s time to enjoy it.
Being a self-described purveyor of orange beverages, I glance over. As the protective seal breaks and the cap unscrews, all hell breaks loose! The once orange liquid has turned a bubbling white and it’s growing like some Troma film monster looking to destroy a 1000:1 scale model of New York City.
This girl, the thief, tries the ole ‘tighten the cap quickly’ trick. No luck. It starts to leak. I can hear the fizzy sounds, spewing over the ultra-trendy, laid back, atmospheric, singer/songwriter music enchanting customers in the background. She fumbles about for a moment, finally grabbing what else - my napkin - to clean up her mess.
Now what am I supposed to do? Sure, I have yet to require the services of my napkin, but what if my luke-warm-at-best coffee spills? What am I going to grab? What gives this girl the right? Is she even going to apologize?
At this point, no words have been exchanged, no visual contact. Nothing.
I see my napkin, a once glorious amalgamation of 100% post-consumer recycled materials, now reduced to an orange-beverage soaked, crumpled shadow of its former self. All at the hands of a socially awkward, unaware, teenage girl.
And me? I caught her red-handed and I have no recourse. Well, none other than posting about this anonymous culprit on a somewhat anonymous blog.
Come to think, this does make me feel better.
